Fear Factor

By Anthony D Jacques

For all the fuss that Christians make about Halloween and its evils, I find it a little ironic that a lot of their own tactics are essentially motivated by fear. Contrast the fact that Halloween only happens once a year (and boy does this one day get a lot of church-goers uppity); whereas the fear of Satan, Hell or eternal damnation is employed virtually daily to keep the faithful in line and bring even more into the fold. I know this because I lived it.

Sure, growing up I wanted to be a good person and get into heaven. But let’s be honest, as good as heaven sounded, keeping out of Hell was the primary motivator for most of my life, and having spoken with many who were raised in similar traditions, I know I’m not alone.

Satan Comes to the Gates of Hell by William Blake

Talk about peace, love and goodwill here on earth till you’re blue in the face, but without the threat of eternal torment in the mix as well, religion would be just another marginally charitable social club. For that matter, there are plenty of charities I’d rather give my money to whose primary purpose is actually helping those in need without making them jump through epistemological hoops, not to mention all the other tactics that religious “outreaches” usually employ. This is not to say churches are unable to simply help people without requiring them to make a decision about Christ, but that would be the exception to the rule.

* * *

So, about Halloween. I suppose I have to admit up front that we took our one-year-old trick or treating the other day mainly to score some free candy for the wife and I. What kind of parents would we be if we were giving her all those sweets? She’s twelve months old, for crying out loud.

But someone actually gave my infant daughter a Christian tract instead of candy. It didn’t make a ton of sense, but do they ever? This one mentioned the scripture about plucking your eye out if it causes you to stumble, which is not exactly something you should tell a child to do, lest they take you seriously. Can you say lawsuit?

The kicker, however, was this line:

“Be honest. You know you will be guilty on Judgement Day, and therefore end up in Hell.”

Now I can guarantee every parent out there would be far beyond upset if I honestly attempted to convince their kids that they were going to be eaten alive by cannibals, zombies or things that go bump in the night. So how is this okay? If I can’t tell your kids awful, scary things (for which I have no proof whatsoever), why can you can tell mine that she’s going to Hell?

I only wish I knew whose house to egg, but alas, I wasn’t paying close enough attention to who was handing out what.

* * *

Interestingly, statistics show that if a child doesn’t grow up in church, they are much less likely to convert later in life. This is especially true after the age of eighteen or so. Christians use those numbers to show the importance of children’s ministry. The rest of the world should take note, however, because this reveals how difficult it is for superstition to take hold in a person’s life once they’ve developed their critical thinking and reasoning skills. You simply have to get the fear of eternal damnation into kids early, or they are more and more likely to reject it as the absurdity that it is.

The larger problem is that negative reinforcement can only take a person so far. And negative reinforcement in some unknowable hereafter is even weaker footing. Positive reinforcement works a little better in the real world, but even that has limits. Put that reward in the afterlife, and I’m sorry, but rational society shrugs and gets on with life.

If someone told you that good actions are their own reward, you might not believe them. It’s certainly hard to prove. What’s more, if you live in the West then you were trained by society to avoid certain behaviors or face certain negative legal consequences. And how are you most often motivated to turn in criminals or help find missing persons? Cash rewards for information that leads to results.

But those things only show the state our society is in, not necessarily the best we are capable of as individuals and as a race. The only thing standing in our way is the constant reinforcement that we need rewards or punishment for good or bad actions. Religion is not the lone perpetrator here, but they are a large factor and, in my opinion, hold the lion’s share of blame for perpetuating this way of thought.

That Christians have been ignoring a large part of their cannon in the developed world is certainly a good sign that they tacitly, if not explicitly, recognize that their holy books don’t hold the keys to morality. (Sadly, the third world does not enjoy this freedom from religion’s darker side, as attested by the Biblically mandated torture and murder of “witches” to this day.) But religion in general still remains centuries behind the present discourse because they are so distracted with the quality of life after death. With Heaven or Hell as distractions, how can they possibly be as concerned with the real world to the extent necessary to effect real change in real time? One can only wonder.

It all boils down to this: Doing what is right not out of fear, not in anticipation of a reward, but simply because you know it is right, is quantifiably more moral than being motivated by external incentives, regardless of whether those incentives are grounded in the real world or in some fantastic, supernatural fiction.

The Holy Spigot

: The Holy Spigot :

By special guest writer, Christian Christianson

When my friend, Anthony, had to leave his apartment a few months ago because of ongoing plumbing problems and leaky pipes, I wondered what I could do to help.

I commented on his Facebook page when he posted that video of water soaking up through the carpet. I visited him and his family when they were stuck at a hotel. I consoled them more than once, but somehow I still felt unsettled. The next day, when they had to up and move, I even prayed for God to send people to help them, but only one person showed up. (And she wasn’t even a Christian!)

Then it hit me. They never would have needed to move in the first place if they’d found a Christian plumber who ran a good, family-friendly business. Well, I saw the need, so I decided to address it. That’s why my wife and I founded:

The Holy Spigot: Christian & Kristen Christianson’s Christian Plumbing Company

A 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization devoted to remaining faithful even through the toughest plumbing problems.

Nonprofit, you ask? Of course. What kind of Christian business owners would we be if we were in it for the money? And it also keeps the greedy old government from taxing the financial blessing that God pours out upon us as we serve our neighbors.

The only thing we ask in exchange for our services is a small, monetary donation, just to help us keep the doors open. There are four basic levels of donation, depending on your specific needs.

For your generous donation of:

• $25.00:
  • We have set up a prayer-chain phone-tree who will be promptly notified of your plumbing needs, no matter what time, day or night.
  • Hundreds of volunteers will fight the powers and principalities of darkness and clogged drains through intercessory prayer on your behalf.
• $50.00:
  • You get all the previous benefits, plus:
  • We will send you a prayer towel that has been prayed over by our prayer team and anointed with oil. If you’ve got water coming up through the floorboards, this is a must have!
• $75.00:
  • You get all the previous benefits, plus:
  • We will send you a bottle of Holy Water that has been prayed over by our prayer team to work with the power of the Holy Spirit to unclog even the nastiest drains and fix the most stubborn plumbing issues.
• $100.00 + $25.00/hr labor (This is the option for those who want to work with a Christian company, but lack the faith necessary to leave their plumbing needs fully in God’s hands.)
  • You get all the previous benefits, plus:
  • We’ll send a tech out to your house to personally pray over your plumbing needs.
  • If necessary, he’ll even break out the old tool box.

Now we’ve already gotten some flack over our last option there. But our company motto is, “Fix leaky pipes always, and if necessary, use a tool set!”*

So if you’re tired of dealing with those crooks who charge you an arm and a leg for their services without ever checking in with the Big Guy upstairs, give us a call!

* * * * *

1. Why would it seem totally unreasonable to trust your plumbing needs entirely to faith, but not, for instance, your medical needs?
2. Don’t we have plumbers for the same reason we have doctors, attorneys, police officers and computer technicians? We don’t just pray for our legal needs to go away, or out speeding tickets. We have to dal with them in reality.
3. Or do you think a business like this would have enough appeal to a certain crowd to actually work?

*Sir Francis of Assisi; “Preach the gospel always, and if necessary, use words.”

Is Religion Bio-Chemical?

by Anthony D Jacques

The speaker is Robert Sapolsky, Professor of Neurology and Neurological Sciences at Stanford University and winner of an Emperor Has No Clothes Award for his plain speaking approach to subjects like this.(Yes, I would like to win one of those myself someday.)

In this lecture, Sapolsky addresses three main themes encompassing the striking bio-chemical and neurological similarities between:

• Schizophrenia & hearing the voice of a god
• Obsessive compulsive disorder & religious ritual
• Temporal lobe epilepsy & mystical experiences

His thesis is that, while the full blown version of these disorders can be devastating, a more subdued case can prove beneficial for the development of religious practices or even the cultivation of religious community.

I know what you’re probably thinking and you’re right, at face value those statements and comparisons probably seem offensive. Even as a de-converting Evangelical I was taken aback when I first encountered his ideas. However, I was willing to give him a shot and the lecture did not disappoint.

I highly recommend finding time to watch this (it is 82 minutes) because he builds a fantastic case.

And for those of you not up to sitting and watching a glowing screen with moving pictures and sound for any length of time (I know, it’ll never catch on), here’s a transcript of a speech he gave that is very similar in nature to the video, and will take a lot less time to digest.

I especially like the section on OCD and the way it applies to Martin Luther’s development as a man of faith.

Suffice it to say, it’s an undeniably interesting topic no matter what category your belief system, or lack thereof, falls under. I do intend to try and boil down some of his main points in the future, but at present I think there’s plenty here to get discussion going.

Thoughts?

How I Met My Wife: A Satire

By special guest writer, Christian Christianson

Stock Photo

When I met my wife, I was a freshman in college.

Now at first, I’ll be honest, I didn’t know what I was looking for. Of course I had some ideas floating around my head about what the perfect wife would be like, but those were just pie-in-the-sky ideas. I mean, what do I know?

It’s like when you are trying to pick a college. Sure you think you know what you want to major in and where you’d like to attend, but then you have to pray about it and God will tell you how it’s going to be. Or in my case, God told my parents, and they told me. Turns out, it worked the same way with my wife.

When I got to college, I remember the day my parents called told me about her. Her name is Kristin, they said, and God had picked her out for me. They told me all about her and she sounded fantastic, so one day I decided I’d put it off long enough. I decided to get to know her myself.

“Just close your eyes and talk to her,” my mother told me. So I did, and it turns out, it was just like talking to Jesus.

Of course, the folks cautioned me right away not to let my new relationship get in between me and Jesus, so I knew I had to be careful. I mean, you wouldn’t want to risk losing your closeness to your personal savior, your eternal security, over a woman! It wasn’t easy, but eventually I learned how to balance my time between Kristin and Jesus.

We spent hours and hours together, walking downtown, reading books, or just sipping coffee. She was even right there beside me sitting quietly, well, practically invisible, during those tough times like finals week.

Yeah, we’ve been through a lot together.

Turns out I really love her, and I know she loves me, too. So after our freshman year we decided to take it a step further and get married. Sure, all the wedding pictures show just me and the groomsmen, but what does that matter? It’s our relationship that really counts. I know a lot of people out there doubted the depth of our love, they said that it wouldn’t last, but heck, it’s been two years and we’re still going strong. She knows me so well, it’s like we were meant for each other.

Some of my family (the ones who don’t go to church, mind you), insist it’s all in my head. They say what we have isn’t a real relationship, but they just don’t understand because they haven’t experienced something like this for themselves. I only hope they find the same thing that we have.

As for me, I have no doubt this was a match made in heaven. She’s one of a kind!

(Stay tuned next week, I’ll be unveiling our new business venture, a non-profit, family-friendly, faith-based company!)

* * * * *

1. How would it look if some people had relationships with invisible people other than Jesus?
2. What’s the difference? Is it simply that enough people believe in Jesus that it doesn’t seem odd for them, whereas virtually no sane person believes in invisible spouses?
3. What if that changed over the next decade and millions of people began believing in invisible spouses? Would you or I, not believing in them, be suddenly intolerant or close-minded?

Thoughts?

Blind Faith and the Holocaust

By Anthony D Jacques

As I’m reading through Sam Harris’ The End of Faith, he brings up the Spanish Inquisition and the Holocaust as two despicable products of blind faith without room for free-inquiry or reason.

The Inquisition, a dark period of torture and public execution that spanned roughly from the 12th to 19th centuries, was sponsored by various Popes and carried out by any God-fearing priest or Bishop who didn’t want to also become a victim of torture. Any men of the cloth who used their critical thinking powers and questioned this practice quickly found themselves at their own tortuous trial.

The Holocaust, which needs little introduction, was sponsored by a milieu of Anti-Semitic ideas which brewed within the Christian and Catholic traditions for centuries before coming to fruition via Hitler and his regime.

Today, I focus on the latter, since one of its founding fathers may surprise you. The game is, I’ll give you some quotes, and you try and guess which church father wrote this nonsense.

To get things started, since free-inquiry and reason seems to go against the calculated murder of an entire people group, what did our man of the hour think of people thinking for themselves?

“Reason is a whore, the greatest enemy that faith has.”

“Reason must be deluded, blinded, and destroyed. Faith must trample underfoot all reason, sense, and understanding, and whatever it sees must be put out of sight and … know nothing but the word of God.”

Now on the first one, I agree, but for the exact opposite reasons that he is implying. Reason will work for anyone who employs it, and if that makes reason a whore, then so be it. And I also agree that reason is the greatest enemy that faith has.

That second quote, however, is a little scary. Even today we must put up with anti-intellectual endeavors like Answers in Genesis or the Creation Museum for trampling reason and sense underfoot in the name of faith.

Moving right along, what did this church father think of the Jews? (For brevity’s sake, I’ve given you only the first line of each of the steps proposed.)

What shall we Christians do with this rejected and condemned people, the Jews? …

• First to set fire to their synagogues or schools and to bury and cover with dirt whatever will not burn, so that no man will ever again see a stone or cinder of them. …
• Second, I advise that their houses also be razed and destroyed. …
• Third, I advise that all their prayer books and Talmudic writings, in which such idolatry, lies, cursing and blasphemy are taught, be taken from them. …
• Fourth, I advise that their rabbis be forbidden to teach henceforth on pain of loss of life and limb. …
• Fifth, I advise that safe conduct on the highways be abolished completely for the Jews. …
• Sixth, I advise that usury be prohibited to them, and that all cash and treasure of silver and gold be taken from them and put aside for safekeeping. …
• Seventh, I commend putting a flail, an ax, a hoe, a spade, a distaff, or a spindle into the hands of young, strong Jews and Jewesses and letting them earn their bread in the sweat of their brow, as was imposed on the children of Adam (Gen 3[:19]}. …

Oh, he’s just getting fired up. Read on:

“Perhaps the Jews sent their servants with plates of silver and pots of gold to gather up Judas’ piss with the other treasures, and then they ate and drank his offal…”

The Jews “… should be knocked to pieces, strangled and stabbed, secretly and openly, by everybody who can do it.”

Well, the suspense has gone on long enough. The fabulous work of Christianity we have here is written by none other than Martin Luther. That’s right, Martin Luther. The guy who split off from the Catholic Church and paved the way Protestantism in all it’s many iterations we enjoy (and I use that word loosely) even today.

That his teaching also happened to inspire much of the doctrine of the Third Reich Church and lead up to Hitler’s Germany and the Holocaust should give us pause.

You see, Martin Luther has tapped into the perfect combination through which anything is possible, that of Blind Faith and absolutely no Reason. This is why people can take a completely un-scientific Creation Museum seriously, because it reinforces only what they want to believe and requires no thinking to reconcile it with the way the world actually is.

This is why a church, in the name of the very same God, can support the extermination of an entire people group through an atrocity like the Holocaust.

Call For Submissions

Okay, here’s the deal. We’re looking for submissions from you, a real person who has lived through real experiences. We want to know what you care about. What has deeply impacted your life or changed your worldview in a significant way? Topics could include anything we have tagged at the bottom of this post, or anything related that we didn’t think to tag already.

Essays, poems, short stories, blog posts, satires; All formats are welcome.

Here are a few of things that have been on our mind lately:

• Conversion / De-Conversion Experiences:
  • Has your worldview drastically changed at some point in your life? If so, we would love to hear about what happened and why. How did your family react? Or do they even know?
  • Do you need to “come out”, for lack of a better term, and admit your newfound belief system?
• Good Books:
  • Read any great books on religion, philosophy, ethics or morality lately?
  • Our Reading List is the next project we’re working on, and it’d be great to have some outside input on that.
  • Plus, well-written reviews of books along these lines could be published on the site, if you like.
• Bad Scriptures:
  • Read any morally/ethically/intellectually insulting scriptures recently?
  • It could be the bible, koran, book of mormon, or whatever religious material you come across.
  • We’re compiling a list with which to start a possibly weekly series: Scriptures You May Want to Ignore, with a subtitle; If you want to be moral. We’re still working on the name.
  • So if it has baby-smashing, pregnant women being ripped open, calls for genocide, intolerance or bigotry, give us a heads up.
• Bass-Ackwards Pastors:
  • Ever been chased out of a church? Ever been harassed or even cyber-stalked by an angry pastor? We certainly have.
  • Sadly, people oftentimes don’t come forward when these things happen, as if they fear supernatural or familial repercussions for speaking out against mistreatment.
  • If this has happened to you, you’re not alone. We’d love to hear your story and share it with our little corner of the internet.

Of course, these areas are by no means the only things we are interested in, so if there’s something you just have to share, some topic, personal story or piece or writing you’d like us to consider, please don’t hesitate to send it on to us.

Also, if you don’t fancy yourself a writer, but there are topics you think about regarding morals or ethics that we have not addressed, or not from the angle you are thinking, send those ideas over as well.

So click on our Submissions for the basic guidelines or the Contact page and have at it.

Thanks!

CSP

The Ten Commandments

By Anthony D Jacques

It seems every few months there’s another controversy over the public display of the Ten Commandments.

Now I’ll be honest, I don’t intend here to grapple with the nuances, if there be any at all, of what our founding fathers meant to protect by separating church and state. It seems clear to me, and yet clearly different to many others.

Instead, I would like to quote Sam Harris’s The End of Faith on the matter. Once again, he brings a fresh new perspective (at least to me) on the matter. Sam Harris wonders whether…

“… three-quarters of the American people would like to see the punishments for breaking these hallowed commandments also specified in marble and placed in our nation’s courts. What, after all, is the punishment for taking the Lord’s name in vain? It happens to be death (Leviticus 24:16). What is the punishment for working on the Sabbath? Also death (Exodus 31:15). What is the punishment for cursing one’s father or mother? Death again (Exodus 21:17). What is the punishment for adultery? You’re catching on (Leviticus 20:10). While the commandments themselves are difficult to remember (especially since chapters 20 and 34 of Exodus provide us with incompatible lists), the penalty for breaking them is simplicity itself.”

It’s sort of ironic, when you think about it.

How many people work on the Sabbath (and of course, that depends on which day you consider the Sabbath)? How many people say “Oh God” when they stub their toe, or thank God when they win a football game? Wouldn’t it be completely unconscionable to sentence people to death for these things? And yet this is what the Bible commands. I would say that is the most unethical thing I’ve heard in quite some time, and yet millions of Americans are too short-sighted to see the connection.

The mental acrobatics necessary to hold the Ten Commandments in high regard, while remaining blissfully ignorant of what life in America would actually be like if the Biblical repercussions for breaking them were actually observed, is just mind boggling.

Imagine for a moment: An America where public execution became as common as it is in Islamic states today, where people lived in constant fear for their lives and capital punishment became half-time show entertainment at sporting events. Does that blood soaked image really represent progress, or the result of unwarranted blind faith?

This in no way represents a place where I would want to live, where art and music and expression would enjoy any sort of freedom. In fact, it does not resemble anything near my vision of an ideal society, more like the exact opposite, and I don’t think I’m alone on this one.

This is why I don’t support the public display of the Ten Commandments.

We have our minds and we have reason, which is more than enough to come up with good, moral laws and their fitting punishments. Our current legal system, which is by no means perfect, makes the Bible look utterly barbaric.

African Witch Children

By Anthony D Jacques

In the wake of evangelical Christian missionary work in Africa, children now have a new fear: Being accused of witchcraft. As if disease and starvation weren’t enough, painful torture and death are now very real dangers for possibly millions of African youngsters whose parents have started attending any one of many local Christian church plants.

This recent LA Times article and this video I’ve linked offer only a glimpse into a world of pain and suffering that young children must now face at the hands of recently converted priests and bishops and even their own families.

Doing God’s Work?

Missionaries, for their part, repeatedly claim they have never condoned physical harm, especially involving children; but it takes only a cursory glance through the Old Testament to find more than enough scriptural justification for these acts. Among other passages where rebellious children are stoned, babies are happily dashed against rocks and pregnant women are ripped open; we find a command for how to deal with witches in Exodus 22:18; “Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.”

Mary, 15, survived her mother trying to saw off the top of her skull.

That command and many others regarding those who God commands his people to kill (and how it should be done), occurs only two chapters after the Ten Commandments. It seems even God forgot he commanded “Thou shalt not kill.” If you would be confused as to which law to follow and when, you’re obviously not alone.

When proselytizing to a culture that still believes in witchcraft, evil spirits and things that go bump in the night, I wonder if it may have occurred to missionaries how easy it would be for these people to repeat atrocious mistakes that their own traditions made for centuries. The Salem Witch Trials and Spanish Inquisition come readily to mind.

A Reality Check

Ironically, it seems almost academic that witches only ever existed in the over-active imaginations of religious piety and intolerance. In Sam Harris’s The End of Faith, his discussion of witch trials in Europe sheds an interesting light on this matter:

“Witches are of particular interest in this context because their persecution required an extraordinary degree of credulity to get underway, for the simple reason that a confederacy of witches in medieval Europe seems never to have existed. … It seems such notions were the product of folklore, vivid dreams, and sheer confabulation–and confirmed by confessions elicited under the most gruesome torture.”

Indeed, any thinking person today realizes that witches are the stuff of cautionary tales and children’s imaginations, at best a good way to warm your kids against wandering into the woods alone. They are not to be taken seriously after the age of nine, unless, of course, you read the Bible literally.

How, Now?

What is it that prompts this new wave of witch-hunting in Africa? Is it a fear of drought or famine, of danger to other family members or even cannibalism?

No. It appears the fuel for these human pyres of unreason is nothing more than church competition!

In order to fill the seats of your new prosperity gospel church in Africa, a pastor must seem holy. And the holiest trend these past ten years is to denounce children as witches and charge their parents for exorcisms and torture, even death. That’s right, the parents of these poor children often pay their priest to pour blood, poison or even acid down the throats of their children to elicit a confession and save their souls.

The Sad Reality

The unimaginably depressing irony of witch-hunting is that it’s merely the idea, the fear of witches, and not witches themselves, that have been claiming life for centuries. The only real reason to fear witchcraft is if you happen live in a third world country and get accused of practicing it yourself.

Even more ironic is the realization that the real monsters in these stories, the real devils who ought to be imprisoned and punished, capitally if necessary; don not the black cloaks of witchcraft, but the white robes of Christian piety and service to God.

* * *

Links:

LA Times Article ; http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/wire/sns-ap-af-nigeria-child-witches,0,3012806,full.story

Youtube.com video ; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZVVbGEOoCM

Deut. 21:18-21 ; http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=deut%2021:18-21&version=NIV

Psalm 137:8-9 ; http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%20137:8-9&version=NIV

Hosea 13:16 ; http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hosea+13:16&version=NIV

Hate Mail

By Anthony D Jacques

It’s true. I get hate mail. Not often, and not usually more than a line or two, which is why this little gem stands out.

“Pastor Smith” decided to jump on the site during my two week hiatus and post his take on several topics while I was away. It was mostly what you might expect from a pastor, fairly innocuous and predictable claims of biblical truth and such, but it got a little pushy and mean-spirited after a couple days. So, I replied to him in the most even-handed way I could, and apparently that didn’t sit well.

His initial response was simply, “This isn’t over you pretentious little pissant.” And I did what any normal person would do and blocked him.

In response to that, he decided to share Christ’s love with me via email:

Mr. Jacques

Now you listen to me. You can’t just open a can of worms and then tell people they must pretend it’s a can of caviar. You can’t pretend you want to talk about morality and then disqualify the basis of your morality.

So what’s your reponse [sic]? You BLOCK ME? You think you can silence the truth? A vessle [sic] of the almighty GOD?

If you really went to Bible college (which I highly doubt) then you have the truth in your heart and you are running wildly in the other direction. Not only are you heading for disaster, but it’s going to be a big one. God won’t tolerate your apostisy [sic] and outright heresy much longer. This country is heading for ruin and idiots like you are laughing all the way down and are will recieve [sic] a big shock when the shit hits the proverbial fan.

I’m guessing you’re just another of the minions of atheists whose only mission is to pretend you grew up within Christianity but it was somehow a “bad” experience and now you’ve come to you’re [sic] senses and, lo and behold, evolution is true and Jesus never existed and the Holocaust never happened.

How do I know? Because you have no idea what you’re actually writing about, and you seem to have no concept of what Christianity is even about. I read your articles on sin, all four rediculous [sic] parts of it, an [sic] I was preparing a response when you had me blocked. Well here, I’ll sum it up for you.

It’s Blasphemy.

You and your little team of atheists [sic] hacks should enjoy life while you can, because it’s short. Because this is all that you’re going to be able to enjoy once eternity kicks in. Then all you’ll have to look forward to is eternal torment.

So go ahead, block me, the only voice of the truth on your pathetic little blog.

In Jesus’ name,

Pastor Smith

Dear Pastor Smith,

I’m not going to bother responding to the content of your email.

All you need to know is this:

In spite of your effort to maintain anonymity, I do know that you live here in San Diego. I traced your IP address to a church just north of Balboa Park. From that, it was easy to narrow you down to a handful of staff.

But I don’t really care who you are. I’m not pursuing this matter any further myself. At any time, you can make things right, if that’s a priority to you. I only have to wonder, if Jesus really changed your life, has he just not gotten to this part yet? Let’s hope he does soon. I’d hate for people to think this is what Christianity is all about.

In Reason’s name,

Anthony D Jacques

Top Ten Things To Do On Worker’s Comp

By Anthony D Jacques

Well, since it’s been almost two weeks and I’m beginning to get a bit stir crazy, I thought I might come up with a top ten list of things to do while on worker’s comp.

If nothing else, making this list should at least help me come up with some more ideas, because I’ve been drawing a blank today and daytime TV are making my brain-meat more dummer.

10: Learn to type with one hand

Okay, this one is more of a necessity than a choice, but that’s why it’s at the bottom of my ten. It’s actually sort of annoying, but I’m getting faster. Let’s just hope we don’t get carpal tunnel in the good arm as a result!

9: Catch up on some reading

I started off with Whitman’s Leaves of Grass, and it’s fantastic, but let’s be honest, I think Whitman is better in small doses. It’s not a book to plow through in a weekend. It’s something to savor, like a fine wine or pipe tobacco.

I also ordered Sam Harris’s End of Faith from Amazon and it came in the mail yesterday. So far, it’s great.

8: Call your utility providers to make sure you’re not being overcharged

This one can go both ways. Since my wife works from home via her computer and an IP phone, and since our internet has been intermittent, and since our internet provider has been unable to fix the issue; so far they’ve credited our bill $70.00 altogether. Worth it!

However, when I noticed our last name was wrong on our utilities bill, that call may have cost me. Looks like our electric meter was broken, so every month we were only charged $5.62 for power. The new meter is not broken, so our new bill is now correct even though it’s suddenly $40.00 higher. Oh well…

7: Break in a new pipe

The new Peter Stokkebye

This one falls into the wishful thinking category at present, since I’ve had a wicked cold for about a week. But it looks like the cold is ebbing, so hopefully this weekend will be different.

Which is awesome, because the wife got me a great Peter Stokkebye for our anniversary last weekend. Her surprise gift to me was to take me to one of the largest pipe shops in the area where I could take my pick. (I guess I inspired her since a few weeks ago, for her birthday, I took her out jewelry shopping and she ended up with a blue diamond ring. Worth it.)

6: Post old blogs you already wrote but didn’t post for one reason or another

Yeah, this may not have been the best idea. The last few topics were mostly stuff I’d already written but I wasn’t sure about, and it turns out I was right. Not a whole heck of a lot of conversation going on. I should trust my instincts more.

5: Catch up on odd jobs around the house

Oh, I meant to say: Supervise the wife as she catches up on odd jobs around the house. Come on, I have a bum arm!

4: Start a new habit, like napping

This may have been half because of the aforementioned wicked-bad cold, but I have had some awesome naps lately. Which is weird because I used to hate the idea of taking a nap. Really what I hated was waking up at odd afternoon hours. I just don’t like that moment when you’re not sure what day it is.

Wait… what day is it?

3: Make some mix tapes

Now there’s a good idea. See, my wife’s car doesn’t have an MP3 player input, so even though I’ve made her some playlists on the iPod for when we drive in my car, this does not work in her car.

Solution: Mix tapes. Er… CD’s. I mean, who even has a cassette player these days?

2: Spend more time with the family

What kind of husband/father would I be if this weren’t near the top of my list?

For starters, Adelaide and I have been reading a lot of books together. Or I’ve been reading and she’s been drooling on them, but it’s the same difference at her age. And of course, there have been many family walks to the park, and lots of home videos and such. Good times.

Which, in some strange way, brings me to the number one thing to do when you’re on worker’s comp….

1: Shave your head into a Mohawk

Cause why not? Who knows when I’ll be heading back to work, so I may as well rock a hawk while the rocking is good.

Yes, there will be pictures.